Do You Have Access to Your Source Code?

Or, if you’re not introspecting, you’re just a zombie

A lotta times, we make decisions (even big decisions) in autopilot without giving it a lot of thought. That’s okay (as long as you keep it to a minimum). What’s not okay is if you don’t put some thought into it later.

We must always strive to understand why we do what we do.

We must always try to be aware of what drives us, influences us, governs us.

We must know exactly how we’re going to behave under certain circumstances, how our way of thinking would shift as circumstances change, and especially, we must must identify the situations and circumstances in which we act without thinking.

If human behaviour is a bunch of complex algorithms put together, think of the act of introspection as an attempt to get access to the source code.

If you dunno what algorithms govern you, it would be near impossible to make any thoughtful decisions. You’d only be sleepwalking.

The Sacculina is a type of parasitic barnacle that is well-known for parasitising various species of crabs. Once it attaches to a host, it releases chemicals that manipulate the crab’s hormonal balance. This effectively castrates the host by inhibiting its reproductive organs and systems. The host is then transformed into a “zombie crab” that exhibits maternal care behaviour, even if it’s male, and devotes all its energy to caring for the Sacculina’s larvae.

Without introspection, you’re just like the zombie crab. You do things, but you don’t really know why you do them. When asked, you aren’t able to exactly articulate your thinking behind any of your decisions. In most cases, you concoct plausible-sounding explanations so that you don’t look like a fool. But in reality, you’re just an automaton; you’re simply not aware of it.

Everyone but you can always see what you’re upto. For example, your colleagues can clearly see that you are trying to curry favour with the boss for a promotion. But when confronted, you deny everything completely.

The problem is that you genuinely believe you are telling the truth. But since you never really examined your decisions or did some “real thinking” before actually making any of the decisions, your idea of truth is far from reality.

Since you’re never really aware of what you do, what you actually do is never in your control.

Now, you don’t literally feel out of control when you make your everyday decisions (like someone struggling with addiction would feel), but it wouldn’t be surprising if you go on repeating the same stupid behaviours over and over again.

For example, during interpersonal conflicts, you might repeatedly react emotionally without considering the consequences of your words and actions. Every time there’s some kind of sale going on, there’s a strong chance you make impulsive purchases. Time and again, you easily get swayed by ads and false propaganda. In your relationships, you’re most likely to act like a chronically possessive, jealous, or passive-aggressive partner all the time.

There isn’t necessarily a parasite controlling you, but you are in any case a slave to your circumstances, impulses, and prejudices without ever being aware of them. It’s a very sad state to be in.

Since you’ve never examined yourself, you’ve never realised you might even have flaws that need mending. If someone were to highlight your shortcomings, you would struggle to process this feedback because you just don’t have the mental constitution to make any sense of it. Your initial response would likely be one of surprise followed by defensiveness.

Without introspection, you’re just a schmuck who is impossible to deal with.

Parasites such as external influences, societal pressures, and peer expectations would always be there to sway our decision-making processes, but if we know how our code runs, we’d be in a better position to fend them off.

That’s the very reason we introspect. It helps us get to know ourselves better. If we have access to our source code, we’re in a better position to tweak it and upgrade ourselves. This is how learning happens. This is how people grow. And this is precisely what differentiates a sleepwalker from a thinker.

If you’re not introspecting, you’re just a zombie.

Failure Is Difficulty Dialled to 11