👋 Hey there! My name is Abhishek. Welcome to a new edition of The Sunday Wisdom! This is the best way to learn new things with the least amount of effort.
It’s a collection of weekly explorations and inquiries into many curiosities, such as business, human nature, society, and life’s big questions. My primary goal is to give you some new perspective to think about things.
Thanks so much for reading this email. My right hand is hurt due to an issue with a “stretched tendon” so I’m typing this email with my left hand. It’s a bit slow (I took the whole day to write this) but no major problem other than that.
It’s a bit frustrating to do even the simplest of tasks without using the right hand. But on the bright side since I cannot do pretty much anything I’ve been spending a lot of time reading.
I’ve been reading 5–6 hours/day for the last 6 days compared to my usual 1–2 hours/day. I’ve started as many as 7 new books and have been reading at least 10–12 books at a time. I switch books as soon as I get bored and I get bored pretty soon.
I’ve also been practising writing with my left hand. It’s a silly hobby to test how bad my hand writing is. (It’s very bad!) But I recently learnt that doing this can enhance the brain. Not so silly after all. Maybe I’ll continue later as well. Being ambidextrous would be super cool.
I’ve also taken a bit of interest in Lebanese style cooking. Thus far I had only cooked hummus. (My partner and I are big fans of hummus.) But as I read about the various Lebanese dishes I’m feeling it would be fun to try few of them. They are so informal and so colourful! I am waiting for my hand to get better. Maybe I’ll share a photo once I cook something.
Are any of you cooks? It would be nice if you share anything that you cooked recently. Cooking is a form of meditation for me and I feel it’s very close to art. You create beautiful things out of the available ingredients. The output is far superior than the sum of its parts.
Enough chitchat. Now it’s time to read and learn.
I’m bad at taking rejections and I am not alone. Most of us just dunno how to deal with a “No.” A “No” is a complete dismissal of our idea. A dead end!
To bypass “No” a lot of sales pitches are designed to box us into saying an unnatural “Yes.” Some of them are as stupid as they come. Do you want to be healthier? Do you want to avoid losses? Do you like having clean drinking water?
You cannot avoid answering “Yes” without sounding insane. Also, if you say “Yes” to being healthier, then by extension you would say “Yes” to whatever they are trying to sell. The logic is impeccable but the sales tactic cannot get anymore stupid than this. Coercion isn’t persuasion.
We simply say “Not interested” and hang up when they ask for the sale. Even though they squeeze out a “Yes” from us once in a while, it’s not an authentic “Yes”. How many times have we said “Yes” just to get out of a conversation and give one excuse or the other to cancel the deal later?
In order to persuade somebody what we want to get is an authentic “Yes,” not a counterfeit one. According to former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, the journey begins with “No”.
We treat “No” as rejection — the ultimate negative word, but it isn’t so. “No” signifies the end of conversation only if we take it literally. Often people don’t mean what they say. Just as a counterfeit “Yes” doesn’t mean you’ve closed the deal, an early “No” doesn’t mean the conversation is over. In fact, it’s the opposite.
“No” is the start of a conversation. It seldom means, “I have considered all the facts and made a rational choice.” Instead, “No” is a coping mechanism to maintain the status quo. “No” gives one control over the situation. “Yes” is change and change can be scary. “No” provides protection from that scariness.
When you go to your boss to ask for a hike, the default answer is “No.” But this “No” doesn’t mean “Get the hell outta here.” It means, “I am not convinced.” It’s an invitation to make your case. If you go away after the first “No” you are (literally) leaving millions on the table.
“No” often means one of the following: I am not ready yet; I’m not comfortable with this; I don’t trust you; I don’t understand this; I don’t think I can afford it; I want something else; I need more information; I want to explore other options; or I want to talk it over with someone else.
Everyone is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and the need to feel in control. “No” gives them that. Once they have felt secure about their position, they can start to open up and really listen to what you have to say. The ball is in your court now.
Depending on the situation, you can either ask solution-based questions: What about this doesn’t work for you? What would you need to make it work? Or, you can reiterate their state of mind to take the conversation ahead: I see that you aren’t convinced; It seems there’s something here that bothers you.
Winning a negotiation isn’t about cornering a prey. It’s about amicably getting a buy-in. “No” starts conversations and creates safe havens to get to the final “Yes” of commitment. An early “Yes” is often just a cheap, counterfeit dodge. Always start with “No.”
Interesting Finds
I.
Don’t we all want to think that human beings would be less mystifying if we just knew how to handle them? That there’s a universal answer to is she losing interest in me and is it okay to double-text someone I’m interested in and did I embarrass myself while we were hanging out? We’re encouraged to believe that there is one correct way to behave, a set of actions we can take that will unlock all the responses we want.
— People aren’t Problems to Solve
II.
It’s those things — the unusual, the unjustifiable, the downright fun regardless of what happens — that made me want to be an entrepreneur. And stay one too. Once those things go away, I’m out. There are a million people better suited to follow your rules than me.
III.
Does this mean that experts, as a group, are liars who shouldn’t be trusted? No. But it’s important to know that experts aren’t always honest with the public, and to realize why they are sometimes dishonest. And here I think economics can provide a useful historical example.
IV.
This is a story about how I lost $10,000,000 by doing something stupid. Ten. Million. Dollars. Literally up in smoke. Money bonfire. That’s enough to retire with $250,000+ in annual income. Here’s what happened.
A Quote to Note
In a country as complicated as India, social groups such as a caste or a tribe are a support system to navigate the mess that is governance, where the individual is insignificant and has no voice. An individual voter may be irrelevant, but a vote bank is invaluable. By associating themselves with a caste- or tribe-based voting bloc, voters are able to amplify their demands and voices. Political parties are forced to take the demands of the group seriously because they represent a bloc of votes that could change electoral outcomes.
— Shivam Shankar Singh, How to Win an Indian Election
Timeless Wisdom
Start with a tweet-length insight and try to build upon it with words. Once you are out of words, try reading what you wrote.
Does it make sense? Does it sound cohesive? Now try editing bits of it to make it more simple and more precise. Once you start editing you’ll have more ideas to add and thus the depth of what you wrote would increase.
Most of the ideas — 90% of it — would come after you sit down and start writing.
Before You Go…
Thanks so much for reading! Send me ideas, questions, your favourite Netflix series. You can write to abhishek@coffeeandjunk.com, reply to this email, or use the comments.
Until next Sunday,
Abhishek 👋