Don’t Just Appear to Do Something

Or, why there’s no virtue is virtue-signalling

Apr 03, 2022

👋 Hey, Abhishek here! Welcome to the ✨ monthly free edition ✨ of my weekly newsletter. Each week I tackle reader questions about decision making, clear thinking, better living, and anything else that’s stressing you out in the business of life.

These days I’ve been trying to have a perfect week. My definition of a perfect week is one where I have all (or rather most of) my daily recurring to-dos done every day of the week. If you are interested, they are: running 1km, completing my exercise routine, swimming 20 laps (it’s a small pool), practising French, a power nap, and at least one quality conversation with family. My strike rate isn’t great to be honest but I know what my priorities are and I do look forward to crushing it everyday.

On to this week’s essay!

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Q: Why are some people pretentious despite good intentions?

In February, when Russia attacked Ukraine, President Volodymyr Zelensky was asked to evacuate Kyiv at the behest of the US government but turned down the offer. Zelensky (supposedly) said in response: “The fight is here; I need ammunition, not a ride.”

It’s been one of the most-cited lines of the Russian invasion of Ukraine — a defiant president refusing a US offer to move to a more secure location away from the Ukrainian capital of Kyiv. Some newspapers have challenged the authenticity of the quote. But whether Zelensky said it or not isn’t important. What’s important is that he didn’t flee. He stayed with his people and fought; is still fighting.

I was moved by this gesture. This is a sign of a person, a leader, who talks the talk and walks the walk. This school of thought however is in short supply. What most people do in the name of “being part of the revolution” — any revolution — is update their profile picture, put some trending hashtags, hang a new poster, or buy some t-shirts. I feel we could and we should do more.

Today, let’s talk about virtue-signalling. Let’s look at it not only from the point of view of ethics and honour, but also mental health. But first, let me talk a bit about the peacock’s tail — one of the most fascinating creations of nature.

A peacock’s tail has huge disadvantages. It’s heavy, thus affecting the peacock’s agility. It’s big, making the bird more susceptible to predation. But its purpose is not increasing the likelihood of the peacock’s survival, but increasing its likelihood of finding a mate.

From the point of view of genetic interest of an organism, choosing the right mate is a profoundly important decision. With such high stakes at play, it is necessary that an organism, the peahen in this case, has an easy way to differentiate prospective suitors into one of two broad categories: unworthy fakers and worthy candidates.

Evolution has solved this conundrum in an elegant manner. Trustworthy signals must be costly in order to serve as honest depictions of one’s quality. In other words, they must be handicapping in a way that they exclude the pretenders and fakers from being able to pull off the same signal.

The peacock is effectively communicating the following: “The beauty of my plumage tells you that I’m free of parasites. My elaborate tail makes me more prone to predation, and yet here I am. I must be the real deal. The fakers can’t pull this off. Pick me!”

Like Zelensky’s decision to stay and fight, this is a costly virtue, not virtue-signalling. This is what having skin in the game looks like. It comes with a price. Zelensky knows very well that by giving up the offer of fleeing to safety, he might have to pay the ultimate price.

But, “doing the right” thing doesn’t always have to be risky. It often only needs a bit of time and effort.

In 2020, thousands of farmers and their families camped on the three borders of the India’s capital city for months. They were protesting the government’s three agricultural reform bills that were passed hurriedly through Parliament, without following due process. The rest of India joined them in support as well — on Twitter.

Virtue-signalling is when you tweet with puny hashtags such as #IStandByFarmers or #JusticeForSSR and label yourself as a social justice warrior. Virtue-signalling is when you lecture your parents, your friends, your neighbours on the shortcomings of an ideology or the wrongdoings of a government — without really doing anything about it.

Virtue-signalling is when you have zero skin in the game. You don’t give up anything, let alone do anything real, but you expect a status hike in return.

When asked what you are doing, you’ll likely say you are helping “to raise awareness.” That’s the virtue-signalling catchall. It gives you empty dopamine hits, and like heroine, it’s addictive and detrimental.

There’s so much talk about spreading awareness or “driving the conversation” that we’ve failed to notice that talk doesn’t solve problems. The investment of time and energy by real human beings does.

For close to ninety years, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has been successfully helping people beat the addiction of alcoholism. Most of us have heard of their twelve-step program to recovery and most of us know the first step — admitting we have a problem.

But few, if any, of the alcoholics enrolled in AA will find sobriety until they complete Step Twelve. Even if they make it through all the other eleven steps, those who do not complete Step Twelve are likely to drink again. It is those who complete Step Twelve who overcome the addiction.

What is Step Twelve? It’s the commitment to help another alcoholic beat the disease. Step Twelve is all about service and sacrifice. And it is service that is the key to breaking our addiction — be it virtue-signalling or alcohol.

Justifying such “empty campaigns” on Twitter by saying they put pressure on others to do things only shows how little interested we are to offer our own time and energy to do what needs to be done, insisting rather that others do it for us.

There’s a reason why you go to an AA meeting, not your spouse, or your friend. It’s your problem to solve. There’s a reason why you help another addict, not others. It’s your job to do. None of these can be outsourced.

Human beings have an innate need to do real hard work for the benefit of others. The tendency to go out of our way, to sacrifice for others is inbuilt in us. “Spreading awareness” without ever feeling any sense of belonging with those we want to help doesn’t give lasting fulfilment. Heck, even “donating” money without really getting involved in the cause doesn’t cut it. Worst, it can still create feelings of loneliness and isolation despite us trying to be helpful.

Ask anyone who has made it through any sort of setback — depression, loneliness, failure, getting fired, a death in the family, the loss of a relationship, addiction, legal conflict, victimisation by crime, anything — how they made it through. In nearly 100 percent of the cases, they will say something to the effect that “I could not have done it without the support of…” as they go on to say the name of a family member, close friend or sometimes even a giving stranger. None would mention “social media awareness,” or even money. Only people can solve the problems of people.

Don’t just spread awareness. Get involved, really involved! Take ownership. Help out one person in need. Educate one child. Send aid to one family in Ukraine. Spend your own time and energy, not just money. Do the work. Don’t outsource it. It maybe a small gesture but, unlike virtue-signalling, it’s a real virtue.

There are two types of people: those who see a woman being cornered in an alley and intervene despite the risk, and those who hurriedly walk away blaming the system, government, people, society — hoping someone would rescue her. Be the former and not the latter.

Timeless Insight

We fail to learn that our emotional reactions to past experiences (both positive and negative) were short-lived — yet we are continuously biased to think that the purchase of the latest iPhone or the new sports car will bring long-lasting joy; or a breakup with the girlfriend or a business failure will cause severe and prolonged pain. We fall for these biases even though in the past similar purchases of material goods brought only short-lived joy, and similar setbacks did not affect us very long. Very often, we don’t learn even from our own history.

Interesting Finds

Most of us are completely wrong about empathy. Empathy however well-intentioned is a poor guide for moral reasoning. Worse, to the extent that individuals and societies make ethical judgments on the basis of empathy, they become less sensitive to the suffering of greater and greater numbers of people.

Neuroscience explains why venting reinforces negative emotions. You can think of our brain circuitry like hiking trails. The ones that get a lot of traffic get smoother and wider, with brush stomped down and pushed back. The neural pathways that sit fallow grow over, becoming less likely to be used. Kindergarten teachers are thus spot on when they say, “The thoughts you water are the ones that grow.” This is also true for emotions, like resentment, and the ways we respond to them, like venting. The more we vent, the more likely we are to vent in the future.

What I’m Reading

The price of training is always a certain trained incapacity: the more we know how to do something, the harder it is to learn to do it differently.

— Abraham Kaplan, The Conduct of Inquiry

Tiny Thought

Most “best practices” are created to marginally improve the performance of the average. Don’t get surprised if you start performing like an average when you blindly copy-paste these best practices.

Before You Go…

Thanks so much for reading! Send me ideas, questions, your favourite Netflix series. You can write to abhishek@coffeeandjunk.com, reply to this email, or use the comments.

Until next Sunday,
Abhishek 👋