My dad passed away in late 2021. He was 66. He took great care of his health, but it wasn’t enough to beat the storm that was COVID-19. He was my favourite person in the world. Still is!
He often used to say to my mother that things become uncertain after you turn 65. I dunno if he really meant it, but he did plan things accordingly. He saved enough, travelled enough, laughed a lot, made great friendships — people who still speak of him with lots of love and respect — and enjoyed all the little things life had to offer.
He was also very careful with money. My mother thinks he could have spent more instead of being so much cautious with money all the time, but I guess the habit of not splurging unless someone puts a gun over your head is a character trait. I should know because I have the exact same trait.
But for what it’s worth, I believe he lived a full life.
”How long have I got?” This is something we don’t think of often, unless the doctor gives us some really really bad news. Even if this was something one could know without the need of having some terminal disease, I’m not so sure a lot of us would really want to be privy with that information. Some things are better left not known.
The 2003 Tim Burton film Big Fish had made a mark on me as a kid. In the movie, there’s a witch who could tell when and how you’re gonna go. The central character of the movie felt that knowing this in advance would be helpful. The movie more or less revolves around the events that follow.
Interestingly, I also feel the same! I do feel that if there was indeed a witch who could tell me when and how I’m gonna croak, I would love to have that information. If nothing, given the risks associated with adventure sports, at least skydiving and bungee jumping would be much much less anxiety-inducing if I know in advance that I’m NOT gonna go today.
But since I don’t have that information, like everyone else, I try to find a balance. Like everyone else, I play both long and short. I try to enjoy my day-to-day life as much as I plan for the longterm. I’m not splurging per se. And I’m actively planning for retirement. But at the same I’m also giving into at least some of my hedonistic needs, and by any means I’m NOT living like a pauper.
But I often wonder, had I known exactly when I’m gonna go, how would I do things differently? I don’t think we appreciate how liberating this knowledge would be.
Even if we don’t actively think about it, the most common ballpark in our head is that we’d go when we’re perhaps in our 80s or 90s. Like a lot of us, I’ve been living most of my life with a similar assumption, and I’ve been making most of my life decisions accordingly.
Recently, however, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been having this inkling to think a little differently — kind of like my father did. What if, like my father thought, nothing really is certain after 65? What if, like my father, I kick the bucket soon after I turn 65, how then, would I do things differently?
IF YOU LOVE TO WORK SO MUCH, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO RETIRE?
If I bite the dust when I’m 66 like my father, I’ve got a little over 30 years to go. I’m 35 now. This means I’ve already lived more than the time I’ve got left.
If I have to intentionally plan how I would like to live the rest of my days, and what all I want to do in the next 30 years, they would broadly fall under a single theme: focussing on improving the quality of life at a day-to-day micro-level. Focussing a lot on the small things, not just the biggies — which to be honest are more or less already taken care of.
For starters, there’s health. You see, more than anything, I want to have the vitality of a much much younger person when I’m in my 60s — both physically and mentally — otherwise what’s even the point of living! If I can, I don’t want to spend even a single day of my life feeling old or lacking energy.
I intend to be biologically 45 when I’m chronologically 65. I didn’t know this was even possible, but after reading a couple of books, especially Lifespan by Dr. David Sincliar and Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia, and of course after seeing Tom Cruise jump off a cliff at the age of 60 like it’s nothing, I’m much much more confident that it’s doable.
I’ve already made health a big big focus since 2022. I eat healthy. I sleep healthy. I run and I workout regularly. I make sure I do everything possible to increase my odds of having the body and mind of a 45 yo when I’m 65. I feel this is what dying young is really about.
Apart from good health, another essential quality of living a full life is relentless focus on “fun”. Unfortunately, we stop focussing on fun as we grow older, and no wonder the quality of our life degrades as we age.
Therefore, one good thing about this mindset — to live intentionally since I have limited time here — is absolutely godsend when it comes to setting priorities.
For starters, I try NOT to spend any time and energy doing short-term things that I absolutely hate — things that might, just might, give some sort of longterm benefit in the future.
For example, working my ass off at a high-paying job that I absolutely hate is not at all a priority for me. It might have been 5 years back, but it’s definitely not anymore. I’m strictly against the idea of sacrificing the present in order to have a better future.
I don’t have anything against working hard. But I’ve got everything against working hard on things I don’t like to work on at all.
Also, the belief of working your ass off in your 20s and 30s so that you can retire in your 40s and 50s and spend your time sipping piña coladas in Maldives is kind of bullshit. I’m surprised people still buy into this pipedream.
If you really love to work, why on earth would you stop working at some point? If you really love your work, you’d want to work even in your 60s and your 70s and your 80s. The idea of retirement won’t even exist.
Thankfully, my day job is something that I love. The work is fun and challenging, I work with good people, my workload is manageable, and it has decent pay. I’ve worked at startups long enough to know that working 16 hours a day 6 days a week does not necessarily yield better results than working 8 hours a day 4 days a week.
In fact, I’d argue that the lesser hours you work, the more mindful you have to be on what you want to work on. This forces you to think. Really think! I think in the long run, this is what makes real difference, not brute force. If you don’t believe be, just look at the team of 37 Signals and the awesome products they’ve been building for over 20 years.
I DON’T SEE MYSELF PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AT 65
Speaking of NOT spending time doing things I despise, whenever I pick a hobby — which I actually do a lot more than most people — I try to ask myself if I would want to do this when I’m 65. It’s a go only if the answer is yes.
For example, I’d definitely want to read, write, watch movies, build apps, play the guitar, learn a language, or make videos even when I’m 65.
Recently I’ve been playing with this idea of writing short stories. I’ve got a couple of plot ideas in my mind, but I haven’t begun yet. But, if at all I get started, this is something I can definitely see myself doing till the last day of my life. Similarly, there’s a good chance I won’t pick up hobbies such as mixology or video gaming any time in my life.
One great side effect of this attitude is that whenever I have to spend money, I invest in experiences rather than things. For example, I’m still using this antique phone since 2017, only because I find buying a new iPhone an unnecessarily costly endeavour. But I don’t think twice before spending the same amount on travel — which is slowly becoming this little obsession of mine.
Being in a foreign city, reading up on their culture and history, picking up a few words of the language spoken there, trying out all sorts of food, and also being a little anxious throughout the travel, are things I think I would definitely love to do even when I’m 65.
It’s common knowledge by now that investing in experiences, such as travel and other hobbies, influence the quality of life much much more than any other material possession does.
IT IS THE SIDES OF THE MOUNTAIN THAT SUSTAIN LIFE
I think another surefire way to improve the quality of life is to prioritise things that bring thrill and pleasure at a task level, not just at an output level.
I’ve been building a couple of apps recently, and my focus has always been the pleasure of seeing them built — not the pleasure of actually building them. And that’s precisely why the process of building apps has been nothing but frustrating for me — because I’m not necessarily trying to learn coding or become a good coder. I’m just trying to find a hack to put together something that is useful.
Like an amateur hiker, I’m too eager to reach the top of the mountain, and not enjoy the sides. But it is the sides of the mountain that sustain life. It is where things grow.
The way I see it, there are two types of activities: project-based activities and learning-based activities. Project-based activities are very output-focussed. You pick up a few tricks here and there to get a decent output, but in terms of building strong fundamentals, and falling in love with the act of building something, that isn’t really a priority.
The problem is, however, this makes the whole process super super frustrating. Coming back to the same example, if I take 100 hours to finish building an app, that’s 100 hours of frustration. The joy of seeing it built lasts less than 100 seconds. I think it’s a miserable way to spend your time. This is one of the reasons why working 30 days a month only for the sake of seeing your salary hit your bank account at the end of it does nothing but kill your soul.
The goal of a learning-based activity is to really really focus on the 100 hour journey, not the 100 second destination. That way, if I play the guitar, it wouldn’t be so that I can play a particular song that I like; it would be so that I can enjoy the process of learning how to play music.
One of the things that I’ve started doing recently is rebuilding the apps that I’ve already built. Only this time my focus to really really focus on becoming a better programmer. Since the apps are already built, I’m not chasing after seeing the output and can spend my time actually learning how to write good code. It’s sort of a hack for now, but eventually I want to figure out a way to make it the norm.
The best thing about learning-based activities is that it can turn a lot of non-creative pastimes into a creative endeavour. For example, I watch a lot of movies. But unless I feel I’ve earned the right to enjoy this leisurely pastime, it always creates a sense of guilt in me later — mainly because simply watching a movie is nothing but pure consumption.
Thankfully, I also happen to love film studies. Therefore, apart from a few rare occasions, I watch films not just for entertainment but also to get better at analysing them. I love to ponder upon what I’ve watched and try to really see what the creator is trying to show. This not only enhances the movie-watching experience, but also makes me want to watch a lot of offbeat, experimental, and avant-garde works.
I dunno if this translates to all sorts of passive consumption, but I can surely think of ways to make passive activities such as listening to music or watching the news or sports into creative ones.
HOW TO PRECONDITION YOURSELF PSYCHOLOGICALLY
Apart from just focussing on myself and my happiness like an absolute narcissist, I’m also trying to put additional efforts into making others laugh — at least my friends and family. Since in my head I’ve got limited time with them — I’ll have limited time with them even if I live to see 1,000 years — I’m consciously trying to spend quality time with them and build good memories with them.
The only thing that I still haven’t figured out so far is to find a cause or a higher purpose to rally behind. I love how the bulk of the writer and YouTuber John Green’s life revolves around fighting tuberculosis. I’m just trying to find my tuberculosis. I want to be obsessed with it, become an expert at it, and spend the bulk of my professional life fighting for or against it. But as of now, I’m still looking.
And that’s more of less everything. This so called plan would definitely evolve, but you get the gist.
One good thing about this sort of thought experiment is that if I really go at 66, I would have had planned and prepared for it in advance. But, the best thing is that, every additional day I’m alive after I’m 66 would be a gift. I guess my father saw it the same way as well.
People who survive wars or accidents or some sort of ailments often start looking at the rest of their days as a gift. But it can be done without any such life threatening events as well. After all, human beings can psychologically precondition themselves to look at things differently. That’s the whole purpose of being a thinking being anyway.
If you’ve been living with the assumption that you’d live long — like I was subconsciously doing for a long time — maybe it’s time for you to consider the opposite for a change, and ponder upon how you might plan things differently if you were to go a little early — and of course, vice-versa — if you’ve been living with the assumption that you’re gonna go soon, maybe start thinking the opposite for a change, and see how your perspective shifts.
If You Know When You’re Gonna Go, Would You Do Things Differently?